Shoe Without A Foot

A lone stiletto
Not exactly old
On an electrical box top
Near an old-style coffeeshop

Was it abandoned?
A waste that can't be condoned
Did the other heel break?
Next time buy a better make!

Or was she overdressed?
Hence unduly stressed
At being brought here
By a stingy date I fear

Then flung her stiletto
At the el-cheapo
And hastily departed
Quite broken-hearted

Or accidently soaked earlier
In the recent floodwater
Caused by the heavy rain
When one foot went into a drain

Now she's only air-drying it
When I paid an untimely visit
She never thought it so often
That a poem can be written

Maybe I'm only imagining
Like someone has been saying
Perhaps she was Cinderella
Who fitted nicely in a glass slipper

So had no use for the extra shoe
As she had found her beau
They probably left in laughter
And lived happily ever after

(Related post by Rick Burnett Baker here.)

Rainbows

My blogger friend James Seah aka Thimbuktu recently wrote about a Beautiful Rainbow in Simei. This post is inspired by him.

According to Wikipedia, a rainbow is:

"...an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky when the Sun shines onto droplets of moisture in the Earth's atmosphere. They take the form of a multicoloured arc, with red on the outer part of the arch and violet on the inner section of the arch.

A rainbow spans a continuous spectrum of colours; the distinct bands are an artifact of human colour vision. The most commonly cited and remembered sequence, in English, is Newton's sevenfold red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet (popularly memorized by mnemonics like Roy G. Biv). Rainbows can be caused by other forms of water than rain, including mist, spray, and dew."

I too have seen many rainbows in my 55 years of life. Most of the rainbows which I have seen appeared in Singapore after a rain. (I did not travel overseas until I was in my twenties. In those days, photos were only in black-and-white and hence, a colourful rainbow would hardly show up on film anyway. In addition, it is only in the last decade that photo-taking became affordable enough for me to capture what some people consider as a frivolous subject, both of interest as well as photographic.)

In Nov 2007, I was travelling in a tour bus in Taiwan with my family. (I usually keep awake on the bus to watch out for any interesting sights. After all, we are supposed to be doing sightseeing, aren't we?) All of a sudden, I saw this beautiful rainbow outside the window. I whipped out my camera and captured the scene. At that precise moment, a bus, which was no less colourful than the rainbow, appeared at the end of the rainbow and this was the result:

Doesn't it look like a trolley bus of yesteryear with colourful trolley poles to match?

On 11 Jul 2010, the New Paper published an article about the Jewel of Muscat which is a ship presented by the Sultanate of Oman to Singapore. A rainbow appeared in the sky when the newspaper's photographer toured the ship:

Then as if by coincidence, Yesterday.sg published a post today titled The Making Of Tiong Bahru. In the post's YouTube video, a rainbow appeared in a shot of Serangoon Road:

(Don't ask me why. I am still wondering what the Making of Tiong Bahru has to do with Serangoon Road. Maybe we will find out when the film is completed some time in early Oct 2010?)

No doubt, the above photos are inspirational but there is one shot that got to me. I do believe, that in these difficult and mean-spirited times in which we live, there needs to be a message of hope. We can all use a single image that speaks to us of love, harmony, peace, and joy. An image that suggests the universality of us all. I have been sent that image, and I want to share it with you. All I ask is that you take a moment to reflect upon it...
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Brings tears to my eyes!

He Licks And She Sucks

Some time ago, my blogger friend wrote a blog post with a suggestive title, Suck harder! And it will come out. Seeing what big excitement such a title could arouse, I am following in his footsteps. But not by sucking.

Marina Bay Sands (MBS) was the second integrated resort (IR) to open in Singapore this year. The first one was of course Resorts World Sentosa (RWS). Various attractions were opened progressively together with the 2 IRs. RWS had the Universal Studios while the MBS had the Helix (pronounced "he licks") Bridge.

I was at the Helix Bridge to lick soak up the scenic sights on the Saturday night of 22 May 2010. The bridge was crowded.

But only half of it was. The other half was deserted.

Why? Because only half of the bridge was opened; the other half remained closed. Curious people tried to peep beyond the barricade.

Can you differentiate who is the real person in the above photo and who is a cardboard cut-out? (Clue: My younger son is in the photo. Hmm... I can't believe that my 13-year-old son is taller than the adult woman!) Fortunately, the woman is only a cardboard cut-out. If she were real, my son could have been accused of committing khalwat (close proximity).

You could take beautiful photos of the bridge.

You could also take beautiful photos from the bridge.

I am no Feng Shui expert but suddenly, it dawned on me that the bridge should have been more appropriately called Shesux (pronounced "she sucks") instead of Helix. Why, you ask? Get your mind out of the gutter! It is not what you think. The logic is actually quite simple.

See the Singapore Flyer?

It is strategically positioned as the mouth of a giant vacuum cleaner hose while the bridge is the hose itself. This contraption sucks all the wealth from the people into the casino! How evil! How clever!

Moreover, Shesux will surely remind people not to gamble away their life savings at the casino, much better than mild and uncreative warnings like "know the line", "draw the line" or "crossing the line" as expounded by the National Council on Problem Gambling can, I assure you.

Don't believe? Wanna bet?

What? Got To Get Today From Orchard Road?

I am not so lucky as some people who get Today and MyPaper newspapers delivered to their doorsteps everyday. To get my hands on a copy, I need to visit my neighbourhood 7-Eleven convenience store. Usually, I will buy a copy of the Straits Times so that I "qualify" to get my free copy of Today. Also, I have to do that early as the free newspapers are usually all given out by noon.

Before committing 90 cents for a copy of the Straits Times, I would peep behind the counter to see if there are any copies of Today left. If there are no more copies left, usually a serious-looking middle-aged Chinese woman behind the counter would tell me, "Finished."

But today was different. A Malay woman staff saw me looking behind the counter and said, "Ah, ah, no peeping."

I asked her, "Got Today?"

She replied, "No Today today. You've got to get it from Orchard Road today." But with that, she passed me a copy of Today without me having to buy anything. Just then, YG called me on my mobile to wish me Merry Christmas and also to arrange a meet-up with a mutual friend.

After talking on the phone for about a minute, I went back to the counter to pay for a copy of the Straits Times. I asked the woman, "How much?"

She replied, "90 thousand. You made me wait so long". Then she broke into a smile.

I congratulated her for being so cheerful and humorous in doing her job. I said her predecessor was a bit too serious. She said, "Must joke lah. Otherwise very stressful."

Hmm... did this taxi plough into the 7-Eleven at Tiong Bahru Plaza to get his free copy of Today too? Aiyah, no need so gan cheong lah!

Bra As Mask

An invention that makes an impact
In a crisis it can save your life
Its only side effect:
Reminds one of tender moments with wife

What's wrong with a regular mask?
Let me hazard a guess
Stocking up is so impossible a task
That women have to go braless?

In fact Bodnar's invention is nothing new
Someone has already thought of that
Visit this link to see it's so
How resourceful can you get?

Are these people mad?
First, they used it as pampers
Could next be sanitary pad?
These inventions really make (one) wonders

Singapore's First Topless Car Wash

Today's New Paper headlines caught my eyes:

"S'PORE'S FIRST TOPLESS CAR WASH"

What? In Singapore? At first I thought it meant a car wash specially dedicated to washing convertibles otherwise known as "topless cars":



But no, it really meant topless the way lecherous men know it:



Let's hope that it is only a joke like this one:

Bra Humour

I have written about bra humour before here. In today's New Paper, there is an article on bra humour too.

For the past 3 weeks, the 2 lifts of Block 752 Pasir Ris St 71 sometimes have an unmentionable item hanging from the lifts' ceilings. It is a pair of bra.

The perpetrator may think that it is funny. Or maybe he/she is simply sick (in the mind). What really caught my attention was the bra the humour, not of the perpetrator but of a resident in the block who wrote a notice to the offender. It was a beautiful piece, almost poetic:

Dear BrA-HAnging person,

Thank you for
your kind efforts of
decorating the lifts
of this Block.
Since you have no intentions of
stopping this,
we would appreciate
if u consider something else instead
of always the
Black & WHITE Bras.

PS: We are bored of
the Black & White Bras already
Do consider the aesthetics of this block,
They do not match the
Outlook of the lifts.
Do those belong to your sis or mom?
Cos they look rather cheap.
Have you considered
triumph or la senza?
Or maybe a model in the lift?

- Residents of Block 752 who appreciates your hardwork.

Now I just hope that the guilty person could read and understand English. But then again, if he could, he should be quite educated and probably wouldn't commit such a perverted act? Hmm... maybe he might as even highly educated people sometimes commit crimes. What if he is mad? Perhaps a pictorial sign like the one below would be more appropriate:

I would like to suggest an appropriate punishment for the offender if he is ever caught for the unmentionable crime. (Here I am assuming that the offender is a man.) I recall an episode from the recent Mediacorp TV series Fighting Spiders in which a prostitute-visiting bully was shamed publicly by making him run in public wearing a pair of bra. Maybe the offender should be made to do the same?

Do you have any suggested punishment if the offender turns out to be a woman instead? Run in public without wearing any bra? No, that would be too indecent a proposal. Besides, it would be a depressing sight indeed if what you see are shriveled and sagging...

A Bird On Top And One Below

Standing here without a stitch
Forbidden to make one twitch
Been here since don't know when
Yet never could I get a tan

Some say I might be David
Yes I could be him indeed
But why was I made by Michelangelo
I guess I will never know


Was it to depict my manhood
For admiration by the neighbourhood?
Or how tiny it should not be
So the average man would be happy?

In 1991 a mad man hammered me
Hit my toes but spared my "wee wee"
It still hurts don't you know?
Now there's David on top and imposter below
Now there's a bird on top and one below

Is there more of this humiliation?
How much longer of such frustration?
It's not easy being a sculpture
Rain, shine and stares to endure

So you think there's nothing to that?
Just not moving can make you fat
It happened in the museum
I became obese ad nauseum

Tofu Snafu

In the US, UK, Australia and New Zealand, you could choose to have a personalised or vanity plate for your car:


Here in Singapore, there is no such option. However, you could bid for a car number plate. Before a series of numbers is released, the Land Transport Authority would invite vehicle owners to bid for the numbers they are interested in. The minimum bid is S$1,000/-. Numbers such as "8", "88", "888" and "8888" which are auspicious to the Chinese because the figure "8" sounds like "fa" (发 prosperity) in Chinese, are expensive. Unlike other commodities where more in quantity means that you pay more, for bidded numbers, typically the less the number of digits, the more expensive the number. Hence a single digit "8" would cost much more than "8888" which already may be worth more than S$10,000/-.

A long time ago, I saw a Mercedes Benz with a nice number plate - "EA5Y". The owner of the vehicle had probably asked for the characters to be placed close together so that it read like the word "EASY". Very clever.

I have never bidded for a number before because I don't feel I have a need for one. An extraordinary number won't look good on an ordinary car anyway. Bidded numbers usually go with luxury and flashy drivers cars. Maybe there is a need to impress upon other people that the owners are successful in life. To each his own. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people bidding for a car number. After all, they help to contribute to our government's coffers and we should be thankful that they help lighten our tax burden.

For me, I am contented with my allocated number plate. I did once fantasise about having a cheeky number plate though but was promptly admonished for having such a dirty thought.

I was therefore rather amused to read about this piece of news:

April 9, 2009

Denver — One Colorado woman’s love for tofu has been judged X-rated by state officials.

Kelly Coffman-Lee wanted to tell the world about her fondness for bean curd by picking certain letters for her SUV’s license plate.

Her suggestion for the plate: “ILVTOFU.”

But the Division of Motor Vehicles blocked her plan because they thought the combination of letters could be interpreted as profane.

Says Department of Revenue spokesman Mark Couch: “We don’t allow ‘FU’ because some people could read that as street language for sex.”

Officials meet periodically to ensure state plates stay free of letters that abbreviate gang slang, drug terms or obscene phrases.

The 38-year-old Coffman-Lee says that tofu is a staple of her family’s diet because they are vegan and that the DMV misinterpreted her message.

A Train Derailment in Singapore?

We thought it could never happen
A derailment near an MRT station
Did a terrorist attack
Cause the train to jump track?

Never did it happen before
At least not in Singapore
Not even one survivor
The carnage seemed severe

Did Mas come back
And created this wreck?
This is no child's play
Let there be no such day

We should always be prepared
Children shouldn't be spared
They could practise evacuation
While learning about locomotion

What Frannxis mentioned here
Is also what I hold dear
When it concerns national security
We shouldn't take it easy

So be always on your guard
Against terrorism in your backyard
Or even in your front court
For Mas has yet to be caught


Before coming to a conclusion
May I pose you a question
Where in Singapore is this place?
An easy quiz you could surely ace

Need not a railway enthusiast be
Like Peter, Icemoon, Chun See or Stanley
A glimpse you might have caught
While passing by in modern-day transport
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Our New Attraction

Come experience the Flyer
Relive peeing into a diaper
Or what the hag
Just use a plastic bag

Oh my goodness
What if it's big business?
Why haven't we thought of that?
Er, can drop them into your hat?

Wonder why it's called a "flight"?
'Cos last 7 hours it might
You could have flown to Hong Kong and back
But with us, you just stay put and relak

You may be chosen for an extended stay
If you are, take time to admire the bay
Yes it may seem a little boring for some
But the most exciting part is yet to come

Be treated to a rare acrobatic display
Climbers on the spokes coming your way
While watching entertainment you deserve
Refreshments from the sky we serve

You could have missed it in the army
No, it is not in the itinerary
Something that's called "abseiling"
We assure you it's very exciting

The climbers do not just entertain
In abseiling they did train
Oh so you do have acrophobia?
Just close your eyes and you'll not fear

Eh, why are you complaining?
For only a 35-minute ride you are paying
You get a 7-hour adventure
Anyone would've been thrilled for sure

Effects Of The Current Financial Turmoil (2)

MAS is in the news again
Not the escapee from prison
Shouldn't it be keeping our savings selamat?*
People who lost money are understandably mad

Some investors bought "minibond"
Now their money could be all gone
Its complexity's beyond the layman
Many didn't know it was linked to Lehman

The product with a fanciful name
But minibonds and bonds are not the same
Who would think a 5% dividend is reasonable
When you could lose all of your principal?

For some it was their entire life savings
Yet the distributors said it had good ratings
"Your risk is very small"
Spinning a tale that's very tall

Is it the buyers' carelessness?
Or rather the sellers' callousness?
Were the buyers simply greedy?
Or were the sellers obviously shifty?

Many elderly people were targeted
The products were indiscreetly marketed
Some were not educated highly
A prospectus they'll not understand easily

Many of them were retirees
Who have collected CPF monies
The banks knew they were cash-laden
So what if there's no diversification?

Some had only wanted fixed deposits renewed
But instead had their investment strategies reviewed
The banks not caring all this while
If the products fit the customers' risk profile

Some VIP even said something like this
If you're unwilling to take any risk
Leave your money with the CPF for 4% return
A very good rate with no risk taken

* - "Selamat" is Malay for "safe". It is also part of the name of the escaped terrorist.

Below are some funny cartoons published in last Sunday's New Paper:

My Cups Runneth Over

Got these photos in an email
Sender possibly a hot-blooded male
First photo looks exciting
But second one's more interesting

Curves in all the right places
Though the garment sans laces
Not only titillating
But also enticing

Sleeping on the bed
Looking half-naked
There soundly you lay
Do you always sleep that way?
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What's wrong with your caretakers?
Did they run out of pampers?
Now if this blog doesn't make you smile
You've lost humour sense quite awhile

An Indecent Exposure

A few days ago, I read a New Paper article about a molester at NUS. It gave me the inspiration for this post.

He displayed his upright organ in public
A despicable act that makes one sick
Unaware of the risk he posed
By a concerned neighbour he was exposed

A prized and personal possession like me
Admired and played in privacy it should be
Why expose it in a common corridor
Right next to somebody's door?

Though wrapped up properly
Beneath it the large member all could see
He obviously thought it was alright
But right or wrong was clear as black and white

First saw his offending act yesterday
Yet he was still at it today
Why can't he be more considerate
For neighbours living in the same estate?
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(Warning: If you are offended by such photos, you may hit the "Back" button now.)
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(Oh, you didn't hit the "Back" button.)
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(Woah, I admire your guts.)
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Caught a second time? (First time here.) Oh my, then consider yourself really gullible. Muahahaha.

A Man Fell Down

A man fell down yesterday morning
Happened at a pedestrian crossing
Wasn't a serious circumstance
Yet his life hung in the balance

Couldn't get up on his own
Nearby in red stood his clone
The companion didn't look like he cared
'Cos he simply stood by and stared

Oh dear, what happened har?
Was he knocked down by a car?
Or assaulted by an enemy?
How it came to this I didn't see.

I approached the injured man cautiously
And took a photo of him discreetly
A few times he blinked at me
Before passing out momentarily
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Hahaha, gotcha didn't I?

Four Wise Monkeys

Chun See's blog entry commenting about Peter H L Lim's recent article titled Mistress? Me? No, I'm Ms reminded me of a story.

You may have heard of the maxim of the 3 wise monkeys but have you heard of the 4 wise monkeys?

As you may know, the 3 wise monkeys together signify the proverbial principle to "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil". So what is the 4th monkey not supposed to do?

A friend recently told me the answer. As he is a respectable man, he made me promise not to name him. (In other words, in keeping with the spirit of the proverb, I am supposed to speak no evil of him. Haha.)

Anyway, this was what he said:

While chatting with a male colleague one day, he asked me if I've heard of the 4 wise monkeys. I said, "No, I've only heard of 3."

He proceeded to show me (using actions):

See no evil

Hear no evil

Speak no evil

(Disclaimer: The photos here are for illustration purpose only. My friend is certainly no chimpanzee and I am quite sure he does not even work with them, whether literally or figuratively.)

Before showing the action for the 4th monkey, he looked around to make sure that no lady colleagues were around:

Do no evil

(Disclaimer again: Photo is for illustration purpose only - my friend and his colleague were fully-clothed then. And I didn't pose for this photo - I don't have such a chiseled body, but how I wish I had. I used this photo merely because I couldn't find one in which the chimpanzee is modest enough to cover his crotch. Also, I don't mean that only men should do no evil - women too - but if I have used a woman's photo instead, I will have to cover more than just the crotch.)

Actually, the 3 wise monkeys as well as the 4th monkey are mentioned in this Wikipedia link. So my friend's colleague is not really the originator of this story. (That, I hope, is not speaking evil of him. And I trust that you didn't see anything evil from this blog entry either.) So relax, my friend - your reputation is still intact.



May I add that this story holds a special meaning for me as I was born in the Year of the Monkey. Honestly, I cannot claim to have lived by all four "monkey don'ts" but I am not telling which one(s) I ran afoul of.

Like That Also Can Ah?

I apologise to all my readers for not having updated this blog for some time. If you are wondering what happened to me, I have been busy doing quite a few things:

1. I have been updating this blog daily instead.

2. I got a $299 Compaq laptop by recontracting with MaxOnLine for another 28 months and I have been playing with my new toy. No, blogging is not playing.

3. I also bought a new Compaq desktop with Windows Vista Premium OS last month. Since then, I had to recover the system twice because some system files were corrupted. The cause? Well, I would like to think that it was due to the instability of the Windows Vista OS rather than because my wife accidentally turned the mains switch off while the PC was still running a program. If you have done a system recovery before, you will know that it is a tedious and time-consuming process.

Hopefully, I will be able to blog more frequently henceforth.

You may be wondering why this post is titled as such. The answer is because my colleague forwarded this article to me the other day:

My reply to him was:

"I bet the strokes that he applied on his brush are no ordinary brush strokes.

And just imagine what substitute he will use when he runs out of oil paint!"

Hamish Brown's 5 Colourful Things

Hamish Brown is one of the radio DJs whom I admire. He is humorous and professional (well, usually). I love to listen to his "five things" every morning at about 7.50 am while driving to work.

Yesterday morning, he had "five things Confucius say". Gosh, my memory must be failing me because out of five things, I could only remember two. Which two? Well, I shall not make the mistake of repeating them here as this is a family blog. If you are interested in them, visit this page and look for the two sayings starting with "foolish man give wife grand piano..." and "panties not best things on earth..."

Do not be mistaken. I am not complaining as I am not so uptight. In fact, I had a good laugh yesterday morning. I thoroughly enjoyed the jokes which I find quite harmless. Now I have one more thing to admire about Hamish Brown - his guts.

Yes, I know that the Internet has far far worse content than that. But somehow, national radio is different. It has a "radio programme code" which must not be breached. After all, wasn't Mediacorp fined $5,000 recently for Fly Dutchman/Glenn Ong's "sex talk"? A few years ago, Sheikh Haikel was even fired from his job at Perfect 10.

Let's see if Hamish Brown's 5 colourful things will get him into trouble this time. I certainly hope not as he was only repeating what is available widely on the Internet. But then on the Internet, the surfer chooses to visit those sites, just like you've chosen to come and read my blog. (By that, I am not saying whether my blog is desirable or not. The reader makes that judgement.) So it's strictly a personal choice - if you don't like it, you can always choose not to read it - the same principle which I apply myself.

However in contrast, radio contents are pushed down to the listener before he/she has a chance to switch the radio off or switch channels. Moreover, radio reaches a very wide audience - both young and old, men and women, open and conservative. The contents presented on radio (and TV) intrudes into our personal space, whether we like it or not.

Do tell me your opinion about such jokes being aired on national radio. Do you approve or disapprove?

Second Best Christmas Gift Ever

I blogged about a funny sms I received before.

On Christmas eve at about 12.20 pm, I received this SMS:


My reply was:


Still not knowing what I meant, she responded:


I think she meant "What no show?" because the SITEX IT show was over. So I replied:


This time she got it:


I responded and couldn't resist doing some advertising:


The advertising worked! She promised to check my blog out:


Celine, are you reading this? My colleague said that I should have asked for your address first so that I could just gatecrash the party. Then it would have been my second best Christmas gift ever. (My first is here.) Haha.