Woah! This Convenience Store's Really So Convenient Ah?

While other bloggers like to write about controversial and serious topics that attracted over 60 comments from people we didn't even know existed, I prefer to blog about sex light-hearted and funny stuff.

Just a while ago, I was at this convenience store to buy a copy of Wan Bao and some condoms. While I was paying for my purchase, a scrolling message on the cash register caught my eyes:


I did a double take. Woah! I thought that this convenience store has now diversified into selling not only cups of Slurpy but also "cups" like these:

It's so convenient. At least, now my blogo-friend Elaine need not go all the way to Isetan to get her B-sized cups.

I stared at the scrolling message for one more split-second:

Then another split-second:

Cheh, I thought what. That's the trouble with scrolling messages. There's a real danger that you might get the wrong message if you don't stare at it long enough. Haha.

Okay, I better stop here. If not, the blogo-policeman will again ask me if I have run out of topics to blog about. :p

5 Things To Eat Before I Die

Evan tagged me on 31 Aug 06 to do this meme. As I seemed to be dragging my feet over it, she refused to do a 'counter-meme' originated by me and even threatened 'not to friend me' anymore. Hence this meme was written as I treasure her friendship. I learnt that just like death and taxes, a meme is something that you can't avoid.

Some of the food I mention here are no longer available because either the person who served up the dish is no longer around or the stall might have stopped operating altogether. Some are still being served but by lesser cooks. The last item I would definitely like to have the opportunity to sample before I die but, sigh... it's not up to me. (I mean the sampling, not the dying although both are not up to me).

I don't know why but I like soups of all kinds. Maybe being Cantonese has something to do with it. Or it could be because when I was still single and staying with my mum, she served soup at almost every dinner, hence cultivating my liking for soups. So here goes:

1. One of the most memorable soups I have not tasted for a long time is salted fish head soup cooked by my mum. Although an unusual soup, it is actually quite simple to cook (I think). Just chop up the head into pieces and soak them in water for a while (so the soup won't be too salty). Then transfer them to a pot of hot water and let it simmer for a while. Just before serving, cut up a slab of tofu (bean curd) and throw them in the pot. Sadly, I may not have chance to try this soup again before I die because my mum passed away in 2003 and so far, I can't find any food stall or restaurant that brews this soup anymore.

2. Another soup that I love is turtle soup. Long ago, on learning my penchant for turtle soup, one of my colleagues exclaimed in amazement and disgust, "Omigosh, how could you ever eat turtle soup? I used to have a pet turtle you know?" I replied her nonchalantly, 'To you it's a pet. But to me, it's food. Remember, we Chinese eat any animal that moves with it's back facing the sky." Many years ago, I tried the turtle soup sold by the famous shop at Lorong Tai Seng. The soup was thick, dark and full of body. You could taste the distinctive wine and medicinal flavour. It was just heavenly. Sadly again, this shop had since been torn down. I know that there are many other shops serving turtle soup now. Some of them even sport the 'Tai Seng' label. Although I have not tried them all, I suspect that none of them cooks soup that comes close to that served at the original Tai Seng shop.

3. I also love mutton soup, both the Hainanese version as well as the Indian one called soup kambing. For the former, you can get any part of the lamb's anatomy in your soup; you only need to ask for it. One perenial favourite with old men 'who can't get it up' is what is known as the 'best of the lamb' or lamb's penis, otherwise known as c***. Just in case you are wondering, I haven't tried it yet. It's not that I dare not to, mind you; it's just that I don't need the extra boost. (Uh-oh, the blogo-policeman is going to cry foul again on 2 counts - my use of that dreaded 4-letter word and boasting about my capabilities yet again.)

The Indian version comes with various options as well:

a. otak (brain) - quite gory-looking, I must say. Like a scene from a horror movie;

b. mata (eye) - even more gory than the otak, I feel. Imagine a pair of eyes staring at you from your soup, as if asking, "Why are you eating me?"

c. lidah (tongue) - with which the lamb says "Blair" "bleh" with;

d. tulang (bones with tendons) - very good for suckers sucking;

e. isi (meat) - all other parts of the lamb not already classified above.

I have only tried the last two items on the menu, mostly isi. Dipping bits of French loaf into the soup provides for a more filling (and fulfilling) meal.

For Hainanese mutton soup, the one at Golden Mile Food Centre (Beach Road) is best in my opinion. It's called Queen Street Mutton Soup. There is another stall in Dunman Road Food Centre that comes a close second. As for soup kambing, I used to patronise a stall at Haig Road Food Centre where I lived almost 30 years ago. The seller was an Indian man who wore all white which showed the curry stains on his attire very clearly. He not only sold the soup, he also smelled like it as well, hehe. I must say that his soup kambing was second to none which was why I always asked for a second helping of soup which came free if you had ordered bread as well. This man stall is no longer around. I heard that there is another stall with the name "Razack" at Blk 17 Upper Boon Keng Road that serves excellent soup kambing but I haven't tried it before.

4. Beef is my favourite meat. Hence I like beef anything, cooked anyway (but not anyhow). I like beef stew, beef noodles, beef brisket noodles, beef steak and beef balls (not the organs but those made from minced beef). If I had to choose just one dish, I would choose the Hainanese dry beef noodles. Long ago, there used to be a famous beef noodle stall in a coffeeshop near to the old Odean Theatre in North Bridge Road which I mentioned in an earlier post. That stall is no longer around but you can find another delicious beef noodle stall at a coffeeshop at Blk 203 at Hougang St 21. However, be prepared not only to self-serve but also stand in queue for up to half an hour before you get your food. If you can, you must order the cham-cham (mixed) version. This comes with tripes (stomach) which has a rubbery texture and balls (of minced meat, not the organs). And don't forget the chilli and the chinchalok (fermented shrimp sauce that is dull pink in colour). Hmm... it makes my mouth water just thinking of the beef noodles.

5. Last but not least, I would really like to try Evan's homemade popiah before I die. It looks so very delicious that it is kind of sadistic to let us only see the photo but not taste the food. To show you what I mean, I am reproducing her popiah photo here without her permission. (Hope you don't mind, Evan):

Don't let the uncles wait too long, Evan. For the uncles may not have very long more for waiting (or for anything else for that matter). You can see that the other four items above are really unhealthy food and should best be consumed as deathbed food. But your popiah is different - it is healthy, nutritional and life-giving - something I would certainly die for.

There Evan, you can do my meme now. If not, I don't friend you.

Ten Things That Make Me Singaporean

Yes, National Day was last month and a book with a similar title was already published in 2003. Chris also had a timely post on the same subject.

However, a comment by fellow blogger Frannxis on my last post prompted me to write this one to explain what I meant by being a "100% true blue Singaporean". Moreover, Evan "tagged me for a meme" (whatever that means) to write about "5 things I want to eat before I die".

I am not very much into food because I am afraid that I may grow to be like this man someday:

Disclaimer: The word "victorkoo" in the above photo only describes the owner of the photo and not the subject of the photo. (The real victorkoo is only about half his width and probably about twice his height.)

Moreover, I do not like to talk about my death. Therefore to compensate, I am writing about 10 things that make me Singaporean instead. I am counter-tagging Evan (sweet revenge), Chun See (sweeter revenge) and Chris (sweetest revenge) with the meme. As for Etel and Frannxis, the meme is optional.

1. I register for a flat with my fiance only to find that by the time the flat is ready, I she has changed her heart mind. I don't propose but when the time is ripe, I just suggest, "We go apply flat?" No wonder many people are not getting married;

2. I volunteer in a premier primary school or buy a condo located within 1 km radius of the premier school just so that my son can get into its primary one class. Because of that, I lost a lot of money buying a condo. Now I could only afford condoms;

3. My newspaper calls STD (sexually transmitted diseases) as STI (sexually transmitted infections), making me confuse it with the Straits Times Index. Because of that, I also lost a lot of money speculating in shares - another reason why I buy only condoms now;

4. Like Chris, I also "chope" seats at food centres with packets of tissue paper after having lost a few wallets, keychains and handphones that way;

5. Although food centres abound in Singapore, I can never get "mee siam mai harm" here without risking a tongue-lashing from mee siam lady because "mee siam here is got no harm one what";

6. Anything free like tin cups and digital cameras I also want, as the hundreds of people queuing for 35 free digital cameras yesterday will tell you:

Note: The queue didn't end at the left of the photo. I didn't have a camera with a wide enough lens and I was already backed up to the fence on the other side of the road. There were at least 3 times the number of people shown in the above photo in the queue.

7. I always have the right of way on the road; everyone else is a bad driver. I suka-suka change lanes without signalling. (Just like I suka-suka switch from using Singlish to English and terbalik with no advance notice. Cannot meh? I like or you like? Not your business what.)

8. I live in the only place on earth where the people need to be told when to have (or not to have) children, when to smile, where to smoke but not to chew gum, no matter when or where;

9. I live in a place where regardless of whether I blog about good things or bad, people will find you in time, be it 1 day or 38 years. It's the only place I know where you can get a rap from a National Day Rally because of a podcast about bak chor mee. And then later, you literally get a rap from a National Day Rally; and last but not least

10. Whenever I use a 4-letter word (actually only 1 letter and 3 asterisks) or mention anything even only remotely connected with the subject of sex, I can be sure that the "blogo-policeman" will reproach me. Does he even know that the Internet has much more harmful stuff and young girls who only read wholesome stuff on the Internet are getting AIDS in their teens, all because of lack of sex education? Take for example this traffic-signs montage with a story which was emailed to me by a "young blogo-girl". (WARNING TO THE YOUNG GIRLS READING THIS POST - click on this link ONLY if you read more than wholesome stuff.) Those with a cheeko humourous mind may find it funny. But I don't know about the blogo-policeman.

So Frannxis, how Singaporean are you?