14 June 2007

Don't Grieve Forever

I read with great sadness an article in today's New Paper titled "Did slain boy's mum die of broken heart?"

More than 4 years ago, Mdm Lee's son, Wong Dao Jing died after being attack by a group of men in Lucky Chinatown Shopping Centre. Mdm Lee offered a $10,000 reward for information on the assailants but they remained at large so far.

Last February, in an interview with the New Paper, she said that it was painful to see mothers spending time with their sons. She added: "Knowing that I can no longer do the same thing with my son really breaks my heart."

She also recalled the time he died: "I was in such shock I couldn't even cry. Even when I saw his body, I couldn't believe he had died."

Mdm Lee, 45, who was divorced, was known to have taken to drinking to drown her sorrows. Last Wednesday, her decomposed body was found in her flat. At her bedside was a bottle of red wine and some pills.

I feel so sorry for Mdm Lee and I cannot imagine the extreme pain that she went through. It must have been very difficult for her. Perhaps the following article from Dr James Dobson which coincidentally was published in the same day's edition of Today newspaper can offer some advice:

Don't Grieve Forever

William Shakespeare wrote: "Grief fills the room of my absent child, lies in his bed, walks up and down with me, puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words."

Let me tell you about my mother. My parents walked a rocky road during the early days of their marriage. But their relationship was soon cemented tight. And from that time until the day my mother died, she loved that man. It is impossible to describe how much she loved him. It was the kind of love for a husband that most men could only dream about.

A couple of years after my father died, my mother went into the hospital. She was experiencing some symptoms. So, they ran a barriage of tests, and finally two physicians sat down with her.

They said: "Mrs Dobson, your problem is not a physical ailment. It is grief that is killing you, and you must find a way to release it." But she never did. She couldn't do it. She simply loved my father too deeply.

Grief for a lost family member is good and necessary. But it's a process that must be worked through, in order to get to the greener pastures beyond. It would be well to remember the words: "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."


KopiSoh said...

Death of a child is also often the cause of couples splitting up. So says the stats from my Death and Dying class. The pain must be unbearable, my heart goes out to any parent whose ever lost their child.

Victor said...

Firehorse - Wish there was such a class available here to attend. But no, we are all too busy making money to make ends meet here, haiz.

A dearly departed family member may also bring the family closer together, it all depends.

Lam Chun See said...

I think the most imp. help we need, aside from our faith, is friends.

Victor said...

Yes, and relatives, Chun See.

Anonymous said...

At a time when words and actions have little comfort, having faith in a religion is a great solace.

Anonymous said...

As I am taking SIA, I will transit for one brief hour in the Singapore airport, will be thinking of you then, hehe :P
Sigh, finally so near yet so far.

Unknown said...

Death is always a most difficult crisis to overcome in any family and my heart goes out to those who have lost a dear one. I realise that moving on may sometimes be easier said than done and bystanders can seldom fathom truly what it means to lose a dear one.

Thanks for your post which helps to bring some perspective to life. It is the relationships, memories and bonds which makes us human. Let us remind all our family members and friends to put special focus on those who matter and not feel embarrassed about telling those whom we love that we love them.

Victor said...

Frannxis - I totally agree with what you've said. Thanks for your comment.

Firehorse - Aiyah, why are you not spending a few days here? I can be your tour guide. Thank you.

Cool Insider - Thanks. You always have such fresh cool insights to any topic. No wonder you have that nick.

Shilpa said...

I don't want to sound insensitive but I feel detachment and moving on quickly is sometimes a good thing.. the death of someone close is always a sad thing, but must it necessarily be a tragedy? know what i mean? everyone has his own philosophy and level of attachment, i guess, this is just my personal perspective.

Victor said...

Shilpa - It's true that the sooner one gets over the grieving process, the better it would be. However, it is often easier said than done.

Anonymous said...

Why early early never tell me, I would have love to see S'pore. I might just take you up on your offer my next trip home :P

Victor said...

Firehorse - Didn't know you're coming mah. Never mind, there's always a next time.