Ten Things That Make Me Singaporean

Yes, National Day was last month and a book with a similar title was already published in 2003. Chris also had a timely post on the same subject.

However, a comment by fellow blogger Frannxis on my last post prompted me to write this one to explain what I meant by being a "100% true blue Singaporean". Moreover, Evan "tagged me for a meme" (whatever that means) to write about "5 things I want to eat before I die".

I am not very much into food because I am afraid that I may grow to be like this man someday:

Disclaimer: The word "victorkoo" in the above photo only describes the owner of the photo and not the subject of the photo. (The real victorkoo is only about half his width and probably about twice his height.)

Moreover, I do not like to talk about my death. Therefore to compensate, I am writing about 10 things that make me Singaporean instead. I am counter-tagging Evan (sweet revenge), Chun See (sweeter revenge) and Chris (sweetest revenge) with the meme. As for Etel and Frannxis, the meme is optional.

1. I register for a flat with my fiance only to find that by the time the flat is ready, I she has changed her heart mind. I don't propose but when the time is ripe, I just suggest, "We go apply flat?" No wonder many people are not getting married;

2. I volunteer in a premier primary school or buy a condo located within 1 km radius of the premier school just so that my son can get into its primary one class. Because of that, I lost a lot of money buying a condo. Now I could only afford condoms;

3. My newspaper calls STD (sexually transmitted diseases) as STI (sexually transmitted infections), making me confuse it with the Straits Times Index. Because of that, I also lost a lot of money speculating in shares - another reason why I buy only condoms now;

4. Like Chris, I also "chope" seats at food centres with packets of tissue paper after having lost a few wallets, keychains and handphones that way;

5. Although food centres abound in Singapore, I can never get "mee siam mai harm" here without risking a tongue-lashing from mee siam lady because "mee siam here is got no harm one what";

6. Anything free like tin cups and digital cameras I also want, as the hundreds of people queuing for 35 free digital cameras yesterday will tell you:

Note: The queue didn't end at the left of the photo. I didn't have a camera with a wide enough lens and I was already backed up to the fence on the other side of the road. There were at least 3 times the number of people shown in the above photo in the queue.

7. I always have the right of way on the road; everyone else is a bad driver. I suka-suka change lanes without signalling. (Just like I suka-suka switch from using Singlish to English and terbalik with no advance notice. Cannot meh? I like or you like? Not your business what.)

8. I live in the only place on earth where the people need to be told when to have (or not to have) children, when to smile, where to smoke but not to chew gum, no matter when or where;

9. I live in a place where regardless of whether I blog about good things or bad, people will find you in time, be it 1 day or 38 years. It's the only place I know where you can get a rap from a National Day Rally because of a podcast about bak chor mee. And then later, you literally get a rap from a National Day Rally; and last but not least

10. Whenever I use a 4-letter word (actually only 1 letter and 3 asterisks) or mention anything even only remotely connected with the subject of sex, I can be sure that the "blogo-policeman" will reproach me. Does he even know that the Internet has much more harmful stuff and young girls who only read wholesome stuff on the Internet are getting AIDS in their teens, all because of lack of sex education? Take for example this traffic-signs montage with a story which was emailed to me by a "young blogo-girl". (WARNING TO THE YOUNG GIRLS READING THIS POST - click on this link ONLY if you read more than wholesome stuff.) Those with a cheeko humourous mind may find it funny. But I don't know about the blogo-policeman.

So Frannxis, how Singaporean are you?