New Words/Meanings I've Learnt (2)

My wife brought home an email circulated in her office a few days ago. It gave humorous definitions of some everyday words. (For those of you who have read this before, please skip this post. Under no circumstances should you complain or say that the jokes are 'so lame' because they are not my own.)

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some people ever get to open their mouths.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Classic: A book which people praise but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience: The name people give to their mistakes.

Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills and kills you with his bills.

I've already put the 'smile' definition to good use in my complaint feedback to the bank.

I'd like to add my own to the list:

Banker: Someone who lends you an umbrella in fine weather but takes it away when it rains.

You are welcome to add yours here in the comments. However, please note that any defamatory remarks, racist comments and personal attacks will be blogged blocked by the blog owner (that's me lah) and the originator will be forever banned from commenting on this blog. Risque remarks are perfectly fine. In fact, they are most welcome.